Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Power of Positive Not Giving a Shit

The upside of living with a sex addict is that when she comes home after getting together with ____ and is in a good-ish mood (for a while) all giddy and happy (for a while) with that glow of post you know what, but then starts to get all cranky and mean and nasty with the kids and the spouse and herself and everyone and everything and every idea and story and song and thought and concept in the universe because she hates herself and hates ____ and hates them and you and it and everything, at least there's no him for you to hate, to despise, no need to plan on ripping his fucking lungs out through his nostrils because there is no him, just a series of faceless nameless _____, a lifeless nothingness floating out in space like the background radiation from a star that exploded long, long ago, long before you were in the picture, before you even arrived at this peculiar part of the galaxy with your busted up ship and your practical wisdom and your big ideas about intergalactic harmony. So there's no one to hate. It's a wasted emotion in any case, but particularly when there's no love lost, none that's gone missing. No matter. Can't spend what you ain't got, so the song goes, can't lose what you never had.

Anyway there's word from Tralfamador that the spare part is on its way. Just have to hang in there a little longer is all.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

the word

At night sometimes you lie there and consider how strange it is to feel the same way you did years ago when you were lost and bewildered and felt like you were never going to grow up. That was something other people seemed to do but it didn't seem to be your lot. Because you were so fragile and so full of hope, while everyone else seemed so cynical beyond their years, so sure that it was all a crock of shit, that faith and hope were for weaklings, mama's boys, losers. But you knew that if you lay there long enough the words would come to you, even if only from somewhere inside yourself, but clear enough that you knew they weren't your creation alone.

"It's OK, everything's going to be OK."

And you knew that it would be. And you know that it is.